ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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