making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
