well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
