So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
