how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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