you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
