Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
