There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
