Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
