You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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