I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
So squirting runs in the family.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
