is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
