he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
