wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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