Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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