I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
