my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize