Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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