atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He? As in you personified your dick?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
