I puked a lego.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
