Don't you send me to vm
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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