no, he came in my armpit
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize