Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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