I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
