you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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