Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
so much tequila, so little girl.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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