there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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