just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Shame - the story of my life.
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