even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
