girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
