put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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