If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
