Joe is yelling at the trees again.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
