yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
