And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
