About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
