1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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