i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
