Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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