I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
