Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
