I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
