you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
