i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
