Already got asked if we're dating
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize