Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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