omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
