life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
