Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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