The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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