Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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