Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
