I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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