she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I looked at my own cervix.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
