So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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