well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize