the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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