That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
