he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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