I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize