You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
