just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
