your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize