the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
