sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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