Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We had sex on a dog bed..
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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