moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
