the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
