I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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