yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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