You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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