My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
