well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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