He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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