Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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