Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
