Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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