Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
