I think my vagina is haunted
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
