we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
