my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
