The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I need water and some morals
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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