We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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