Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
