Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You smell like stripper and shame
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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