dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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