seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
