I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
i now understand why vodka
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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