hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
