so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
