I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize