you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Randomize
