awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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