I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
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