I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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