i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
